Becoming One with the River.

I was listening recently to a podcast that was teaches beginners how to meditate.  The speaker told a story about a creature who lived in a village at the the bottom of a great river.  This creature like all of the other creatures in his village, clung tightly to branches and struggled against the current of the river for years.  One day he decided to let go and let it take him where it may.  Much like that river creature, I've lived most of my life, especially my 20s, struggling against the current and often trying to swim upstream.  I exhausted myself, did not get very far, and when finally I stopped struggling, I sat for a long time on the shoreline watching life and people pass by me.   I felt disconnected in my relationships, my accomplishments felt hollow, and I certainly wasn't having much fun.   

Through my young adulthood fortunately I have been fairly healthy but did struggle with weight and body image.  I felt soft from sitting all day in an office job and unengaged with my environment physically.  Though I was making a living, I felt trapped and locked in a career I wasn't sure I wanted. Additionally, I had no spiritual or religious affiliation in which I actively participated or practiced.  To top it off, a long toxic relationship had made me feel withered and old, yet I clung to it until there was absolutely nothing left.  With the definitive end to that, the weight of purposelessness became crushing and I started to have one resounding prayer.  Each night as I walked my dog, I prayed, "God help. Show me what I am supposed to do in this life. Please guide me, because I am lost." 

It was in October 2011 that I first said that prayer and since then I have been back in the river.  I've started letting it take me down stream.  I've hit rocks, been pitched over waterfalls, and occasionally been able to float in blissful stretches of serenity.  I am not sure that God has given me a full answer to my prayer.  I'm not sure that I have been ready to understand one.  But I am doing my best to totally immerse myself in the river -- rapids, rocks, and all.  And in order to best experience it I want to be at my best physically, mentally, and spiritually.  

Not every moment is easy. In fact I found that for me Joy and Discomfort are connected.  They exist in the same place inside me and sometimes in the same moment.  Joy is what is waiting for me on the other side of discomfort.  I cannot have Joy without it. And if I am really going to experience all the river has to show me, then I have to embrace the fact that discomfort is a part of the experience, but it is not to be feared.  Joy is on the way.

Indago Luz means "I hunt" or "I seek the light." I am creating this website because I hope my journey will aid yours.  To quote Isaac Newton, "If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants."  I am no giant, but I would like to introduce you to the giants that have lifted me.

Journey well my friend...see you down river. 

Kelsey Worrell